11 songs we'd never sing if it weren't for Rock Band
- December 17, 2007 15:08 PM PST
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Rock Band is loaded with great songs, but these 11 are sure to make you blush with embarrassment.
New to Rock Band? Check out GamePro's full review!
Rock Band is one of the most fun gaming experiences out there--a guaranteed party starter and a good time for both casual and hardcore gamers alike. It's just a shame that a handful of songs on the versatile track list will make even the most confident singers blush. Here's 11 songs that rub us the wrong way.
11. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" -- Jet
Are you gonna be the song that I hate to sing?
Sure, it's a microscopic step up from "Cold Hard Bitch," but at least in that song you get to say a minor swear. Maybe it's a personal vendetta against these classic rock-influenced Aussies, but when your neighbor blasts "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" for what seems like every single freakin' day of the year, it permeates into your dark side.
The incessant screaming and childish lyrics are uncomfortable to even attempt to belt: "1, 2, 3, / take my hand and come with me / because you look so fine / and I really wanna make you mine." The only redeeming quality is that the name Jet is a reference to a great Wings song, though somehow it has slightly soured my love for Paul McCartney.
10. "My Sharona"-- The Knack
I prefer Weird Al's version of My Sharona, "My Bologna."
Even though it was released in 1979, "My Sharona" was indicative of the type of rock that would rule the 80's; crap rock. It's got a cheezy riff and lyrics that are embarrassing to sing, and it's really just embarrassing to hear once you find out it's a ballad for an underage groupie.
You're likely to regret your downloading decision, up until the time you belt out that first "Woo!", at which point any complaints are rendered moot.
9. "Roxanne"-- The Police
Good luck trying to shriek like Sting.
This may have been the song that put The Police (and Sting) on the map, but it's really not great for performing in any other capacity. A better choice would have been the more-singable "Don't Stand So Close to Me" or "Murder by Numbers."
It's really difficult to match Sting's unique vocal stylings without sounding foolish, and the odd timing of the lyrics against the instruments makes singing it a minefield of awkward embarrassment. You're sure to botch this song many times over.
8. "Dead on Arrival" -- Fall Out Boy
"Shhhh, don't tell anyone our band sucks."
If I see one more picture of Pete Wentz emo-boy posturing with that "I'm just misunderstood" look on his face, I'm going to throw up on a baby.
The worst thing about Fallout Boy is that back in the heyday of so-called "emo" when bands like Sunny Day Real Estate and Rites of Spring were making a name for themselves, if some cookie-cutter group like these guys came around they'd be spat on by anybody who had two ears and a mind to see past this vomit-rock garbage. Too bad though; it seems as though we'll have to put up with them until either they die in a fiery plane crash or they all get VDs while on tour.
7. "Welcome Home" -- Coheed and Cambria
He stole Weird Al's hair!
If it weren't for Rock Band nobody would stand up and belt the high-pitched and cryptic lyrics of "Welcome Home" by Coheed and Cambria.
Unless you're "emo" and have pipes lubed in gold, this song is a huge no-no for bar jocks. When playing Coheed and Cambria's "Welcome Home" in Rock Band, don't forget to ask your lead guitarist for a swift kick in the nuts before the lyrics kick in. I'm pretty sure that's how Coheed lead singer Claudio Sanchez does it. That's a pretty brutal pre-show routine.
6. "I Think I'm Paranoid" -- Garbage
She pulled it out of the garbage.
Garbage was the epitome of 90s alternative rock radio success. Front-woman Shirley Manson was essentially the female version of Gavin Rossdale, and Garbage had about equal commercial success as Bush. One smidgen of advice: never name you band after trash because hey, there's bound to be some verbal association.
Nothing too personal against Garbage--they seemed to fit perfectly into the sometimes-boring 90s alt. scene. It's just that no man should ever have to sing these lyrics: "Heaven knows what a girl can do," or "Bend me / Break me / Any way you need me / All I want is you."
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